10 Baseless Hollywood Facts That Are Completely Untrue

The only thing more famous than celebrities in Hollywood are rumors, particularly in regards to what life in Hollywood is really like. For those of you thinking about starting a career on the west coast, or if you just have a general curiosity about the entertainment capital of the Western World, here’s a list of 10 Baseless Hollywood facts that are completely untrue.

Shia Labeouf Works out at Your Gym

Shia LaBeouf does not work out at your gym. In fact, he probably doesn’t work out at all. The point is, anybody with a cut-off will try to convince you that a celebrity works out at their gym, and if that’s not enough, said celebrity is going to give them a meeting with their agent/and or boss to get them in the door. At the end of the day, it means nothing to you, but just be advised.

Coffee is Cool

Carrying a cup of coffee wherever you go is about as cool (and original) as driving a Hybrid. Coffee isn’t cool in Los Angeles, it’s just expensive. Compared to gasoline, coffee is actually quite affordable (and much more delicious), but compared to other drinks, like water that doesn’t come in a glass bottle, coffee can cost as much as a meal at a deli. Here’s the main reason why…people in Hollywood don’t really drink coffee…they drink expensive varieties of it. Name an island off of Fiji and there’s a flavor named after it that some hipster will sling your way. Want a fancy addition, like sugar or ice cubes?…there’s another two bucks. Coffee in LA won’t make you stand out, it will just make you blend in and leave you short a fiver.

The Hollywood Sign is Cool

The Hollywood Sign is one of the biggest staples in Los Angeles, and why shouldn’t it be…it’s a glorified billboard and you can’t see it through the pollution half the time. The Hollywood sign is cool up until the first time your car breaks down and the second time you break up with your actress girlfriend. Long story short, the nostalgia of the Hollywood sign wears off when the reality of what lies below, not the dreams it embodies, hits you square in the face.

What Kind of Car you Drive is Important

If by “important” you mean overblown, than absolutely. A car in LA isn’t really a car, it’s an outfit. You’ll spend so much time sitting in traffic staring at other people’s cars, it’s a glorified fashion show no matter where you are. If you’re new to LA, what kind of car you drive is about as important as practicing your Oscar speech or apartment hunting on Ocean Avenue. If you’re prepared for life in Hollywood, you’ll focus on more important things, like rent, food, and LED televisions.

Gyms are a Great Place to Meet People.

Depends on what you mean by “people.” We’ve already established that you won’t meet Shia Laboeuf, but there’s a strong chance that you’ll meet someone that looks exactly like him. Going to the gym in Hollywood is like going to the circus, just without the payoff of seeing a monkey breath fire. You will find at least one fifty five year old guy hanging upside down from the pull up bar, and you can bet the ranch that you’ll run into someone singing Twisted Sister out loud for no good reason. The popular assumption is that GYMS ARE A GREAT PLACE TO MEET GIRLS but again, what kind of girl are you looking for…someone to bring home to mom and dad or someone just to bring home? The latter you’ll find in the 7:30 spinning class, but the former is probably working in publicity, design, or internet research and already has a boyfriend back home in Iowa who she Skypes with every night before bed.

Bad Traffic is Unavoidable

Traffic is more stupid than bad in Hollywood, often caused by rubber-neckers, or uninventive drivers. Bad traffic is as common to Hollywood as 12 dollar burgers, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be beat. Everyone is big on having their own GPS, but unless you want everyone from Santa Ana to Santa Monica to know that you’re a noob…keep it off your windshield and invest 5 bucks in an iPhone app that works almost the same (still keep your eyes on the road though). Avoid highways between 7and 11 in the morning and 3 to 8 at night, stay away from any street that’s ever appeared in a 90′s song, and you’ll cut your travel time in half.

Clubs are a Great Place to Meet Girls

Clubs are a great place to get into a fight and/or get your wallet stolen. If you’ve lived in LA for a period of time and are on the fence whether or not to stay, go to a club and you’ll easily make your mind up. You’ll meet girls, but most of them won’t speak English…it might just seem that way, as you attempt to hear over Lady Gaga’s latest Mash-up, but either way it doesn’t really make a difference.

People will Stab you in the Back

This can be true just about anywhere you go, but Hollywood gets a particularly bad wrap, mainly because everyone is so ambitious. I’ve never been in a beauty pageant, nor have I been asked to be in one, but I imagine that living in Hollywood is very similar to what that experience is like. Most, if not every person, judges you for no good reason, but that doesn’t always translate into “getting stabbed in the back.” Living in Hollywood is all a matter of perception, if you’re career is out here and you love what you do, judgmental people and backstabbers will seam trivial and will fade into the background. Hollywood has a lot of good people, you just have to hang around long enough to find your niche.

Housing is Hard to Find

Good housing is hard to find. Hollywood is where a lot of newcomers plant their flag, but if you want to step outside the bubble, Studio City, Sherman Oaks and parts of West Hollywood are solid options. Budget anywhere from 700 to 1000 bucks a month in rent, and don’t cut that in half because some girl offers you to share a one bedroom (you’ll end up sharing more than that…).

Restaurants are Open Late

Libraries are open later than most restaurants in Los Angeles. Apparently, every Hollywood restaurant assumes that if its past 9 o’clock, you’ve already eaten, and thus they can close down shop for the evening. The few places that do stay open take advantage of you and charge 14 bucks for a sandwich, and if you’re lucky, will throw in a side of Bush’s baked beans. A good rule of thumb: be on the lookout for any and all restaurants that have signs that rotate; it undoubtedly will be open 24 hours, serve breakfast all day, and has at least two servers over the age of 60.

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