Naysayers Claim World is Ending; Tell Us Something We Don’t (Already) Know

Written By Paul Nyhart

Experts, naysayers, and googlers alike are all but declaring the world over after May 21^st. Many people think this isn’t true, but just look at the signs–clearly, we were warned, people. Recently of note, Lady Gaga was named the most powerful celebrity on the planet, supplanting Oprah, and just squeezing past Justin Bieber (probably a joke in there somewhere). If that isn’t a strong sign that the world is coming to an end, I don’t know what is.

There was also the news that a man, disguised as John Lennon, ate his 25,000 Big Mac. Not only did a human being manage to eat 25,000 big Macs in one lifetime, but we all managed to hear about it. Even the Hamburgler is looking at us like we’re idiots.

The internet has literally taken anything it wants and turned it into a news story…the first person who tweets wins, and the rest of us can just feel free to re-tweet.

On that note, a child was named Like, in honor of the Facebook function which allows you to obsessively worry about how many people view your content, in addition to bugging your friends with requests to join your created page. That child doesn’t even know its own name yet, but even Like knows the apocalypse is upon us.

This next one would be the clincher usually, had it not have been going on for so long: I drive a Chevy, and yesterday it cost me 50 dollars to fill up said Chevy. I don’t need anybody telling me that a disaster is going to happen, when there’s one every time I fill up my gas tank. If the world doesn’t get destroyed by Earthquakes than the gas companies are just going to shake us down until we’re down to pennies.

Then there’s the not-so-subtle discovery that another planet exists which could support life. Some people would call that a discovery, naysayers would simply call it “Act 2.”  Those of us living in the present day are stuck calling it “too far.”

For those of you clamoring that the world is ending, thanks, but tell us something we don’t already know–most Americans can tell you the 3 contestants left on American Idol but couldn’t name 2 of their Senators–you don’t need a seismograph to figure this one out.

There are plenty of people that are running around like chicken little so they can eventually tell us “we told you so.” I’m no smarter than them, but I can tell you that chicken little isn’t always an earthquake or a natural disaster.

It can be a sign that we’re selling ourselves short. That our eyes aren’t exactly on the prize. Maybe that sign is indicated by what we choose to pay attention to in the media…just sayin’ It would be a shame if the world ended on May 21st, I have yet to see the Grand Canyon, most of Europe, or a girl call me her boyfriend for a period longer than 9 months (the duration is a mere coincidence).

But if the world does continue on without a disaster, I hope we take notice of recent events. Sometimes the only thing more destructive than a disaster is a distraction; things we see, and conveniently focus our attention on. There’s no date for those, there’s no “judgement day for distractions.”

Unfortunately, that’s the hard part.

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