With the re-release of Final Fantasy X and it’s sequel Final Fantasy X-2 , fans have the opportunity to purchase a piece of history–and do some good while they’re at it (but they need to hurry).
Art director, and character designer for Square Enix, Naora Yusuke, has done (and completed) a beautiful, Live Painting, to commemorate the re-releases of Final Fantasy X and X-2, which is now available for purchase.
And just to give you an indication of how rare this is, as explained on the website itself:
“During the opening of the FFX-X2 Exhibition, artist Yusuke Naora did a live painting demonstration. After completing the piece he deleted the file so that it only exists as this framed print.”
The bid for this piece of history has already surpassed half of 2k, and is currently sitting with the highest bid at 1,550.00. Judging by how high the price is going, you either need to stop reading this article right now and get in the game, or curse your empty wallet, while sharing it because all proceeds will go to the Typhoon Haiyan relief fund!
So, what are you waiting for?
Texts From Last Night is one of the greatest creations of the internet since free porn. There, you’ll see well over a million-plus texts from people recapping their crazed nights, thoughts, and other personal things we’d be too ashamed to admit (Shh. It’s okay. We know that’s you behind the ewe at Jake’s “Redneck Themed Barbecue”).
Occasionally, I’ll see a couple of texts from my friends, and have even had a case of the giddies at seeing my own. I laugh about it with my friends, and we all go and do something else absurd. Well, as I was scrolling through the site to prepare my next wave of bad life decisions to be forever thrown into a cyberspace, I came across the greatest nerdy text in the history of great, nerdy texts:
I jumped on sending out texts immediately to notify all of my awesome Pokemon friends so that they could see this awesome text from some genius in the world with a huge boner for Pokemon (and Sailor Moon). Only to discover in this case, that huge boner was indeed a ladyboner.
My ladyboner to be exact.
One of my friends texted me laughing, and said: “You DO know that’s YOUR text, right?”
Horrified, I began frantically scrolling through my phone only to see the exact same text sent to the same girlfriend who had to tell me that text belonged to me.
See, I knew that I’d gone out a couple of days ago with some friends to karaoke. I knew I couldn’t sing. At all. I was perfectly content to let my friends proceed to get me drunk, and reacquaint me with, my abusive, ex-boyfriend.
Also known as Absinthe.
And I knew at some point, I got up on the stage and belted out the Pokemon Theme Song AND the Sailor Moon Theme Song, but the rest of that night? Major blur. I woke up 200$ dollars richer, and holding onto a small trophy for first place.
But that I had sent a text about it? To my closest friends about it? And Jesus Horatio Christ, it was that nerdy? And it wound up on Texts From Last Night, of whom I have my (endearingly) dickheaded friend to thank?
And then I read the reply, one of which, was a total lamer, so screw him; I’m just going to show you the highest ranked-comment:
Glad to have been of some (dignity-subtracting service, my friend!). Don’t get my wrong: I’m the first person to will admit that she is the greatest Pokemon Master the Midwest and Russia have ever seen. And don’t even get me started on my deep, deep love affair with Sailor Moon, especially when it came to my crush, Sailor Uranus (My ruling planet and favorite Sailor Scout).
But…Wait. Why am I complaining? Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah.
Absinthe. Not even once. And, just because it’s Mondays, and we all hate Mondays, I’m going to leave you with this:
When I first saw the text, I got to the word “Motherfucking”, I immediately pictured Samuel L. Jackson saying it, because SLJ would sure as hell get up on a state and sing his own, “Motherfucker” and “Fuck” -laced renditions of the aforementioned theme songs.
“I AM the very fucking best like no motherfucker ever was before!”
(This is where the song would simply end. I mean, hell, are you going to dispute Samuel L. Jackson when he claims he’s the very best? I didn’t think so.)
And for Sailor Moon (the image of this man singing the opening song is downright therapeutic)–
“Fighting evil by (the) motherfucking daylight; winning some motherfucking love by moonlight. (*N-WORD, N-WORD, N-WORD*), you ’bout to get yo ass whooped in this fight I’M THE ONE THESE BITCHES CALL THE MOTHERFUCKING SAILOR MOON.”
…I think that’s enough damage for one day.
Pokemon trainers, breeders, leaders, and masters around the world, please rise for our National Anthem:
In what has to be one of the smartest moves since the creation of our beloved Netflix, Pokemon fans around the world were overjoyed to see that the very first season of Pokemon (The Indigo League) has now become available on Netflix.
And no one was prepared for the major nostalgia bomb blasting them back to their childhoods (and while I won’t name any names, I can assure you that several of my friends have all “called in sick from work” just to be able to relive the dreams of a young boy from Pallet Town who wanted to become the very best. Like no one ever was).
The overwhelming amount of people trying to stream Pokemon became so huge that people began to complain about the server literally unable to stream, crashing the browser all together, or even just an incredibly long wait time truly speaks volumes about how this series has impacted generations across the globe.
And as the reigning Pokemon Master Champion of The Chicago and the entire Midwest (a title I’m very proud of, thank you very much), while I won’t say that my excitement at the news caused any severe reactions, I may or may not have started violently foaming at the mouth.
The most incredible part is the demographic of who has been watching Pokemon on Netflix, and what a surprise: Unlike Ash himself, we’ve all grown up with Pokemon, making many of us who are actually having these joy seizures anywhere from our mid to late twenties, and even thirties. We are the same people who get amped when we here the first generation theme song and cry our thug tears during the most painful of moments we experienced during the first season.
What’s more is that now that Pokemon has become available on Netflix, friends are geeking out hardcore with one another, and conversations just like the one between myself and my best friend, fellow model, and Pokemon Master, Milloux Suicide are abounding:
JC: “Lmfao, there are soooo many episodes that make sense now, but that Jigglypuff was a dick.”
MS: “Lol, this show is so fucking funny, and sad, and exciting, and maybe just a little sexy.”
JC: “Lmao Misty sooooooooo wants the D. I’m skipping Bye Bye Butterfree if it’s up there because I literally cannot handle that heartbreak twice in one life.”
MS: “Caterpie was so fucking cute. He should have never evolved. I’m on the Crulean City episode. Super tight town; wish I lived there.”
JC: “Right???! Those sisters are airheads though. You couldn’t have convinced me Misty wasn’t adopted.”
MS: “Misty is a bitch.”
JC: “I RESENT THAT!!!!!!! I wanted to be her when I was little SO bad lmao. I even had her pose down pat. I even got yelled at by my mom for wanting to change my name to ‘Misty’ when I was little. Had it been legal, I’m sure I would have.”
MS: “Hahahaha damn, she’s a little jerkass.”
JC: “GARY was a tool lmao. WHO IS TEN YEARS OLD WITH A CONVERTIBLE AND A HAREM??? Those chicks were ALWAYS WITH HIM.”
So, on that note, relieve your childhood this weekend and watch Pokemon through your now adult eyes, because, like many cartoons and movies, the massive list of adult jokes and gags that your younger self would have never caught and your older self catches:
MS: “WTF. James just said “It’s times like these that make me wanna go straight.”
JC: “LMAOOOO and just imagine, years ago, we thought that meant he wanted to be a good guy and get on the straight and narrow.”
And, even though Nintendo has officially confirmed the Jessie and James romance canon by later depicting in their manga a visibly pregnant Jessie, pictured with James–both of whom are wearing wedding rings–admittedly, James wasn’t doing much to convince us otherwise he really did want to “go straight”.
Let’s hope their kids never see this picture.
Let’s be honest: I’m a diehard Sony fan until they put me in my grave, resurrect me as a zombie, and then give me my own video game.
So, to hear the news that Jack Tretton, who has been the CEO of Sony America since 2006 (and has been with the company since 1995), feels like something of a personal loss of a friend I’ve never met–but have so much to thank for.
He’s carried Sony America on his back for what would have been ten years come 2016, (which, for those of us not savvy with math (*raises hand*) would have only been two more years) had he and SCEA decided to hold off on not renewing their mutual relationship contract.
Tretton had this to say regarding his resignation:
“Working at SCEA for the past 19 years has been the most rewarding experience of my career. Although I will deeply miss the talented team at SCEA and the passion demonstrated every day by our fans, I’m very excited about starting the next chapter of my career. I want to thank the employees, partners and customers for their tireless commitment to the PlayStation brand and, of course, to our fans who have pushed us to new heights of innovation and entertainment over the past two decades. I leave PlayStation in a position of considerable strength and the future will only get brighter for PlayStation Nation.”
His final day in office will be March 31st–and taking up the mantle in his stead will be Shawn Layden, who has been with the company since 1996, and was one of the top executives at Sony America’s Digital Entertainment Division.
Layden is scheduled to start officially on April 1st, which makes us wonder if they’re trolling us (They’re not).
Thank you, Mr. Tretton for all of your hard work. We, the gamers, will see to it that Shawn doesn’t burn down the place while you’re gone.
Two of my favorite, all time video game obsessions are Pokemon and Harvest Moon. I even feel like “obsession” might even be a severe understatement, especially with Harvest Moon. I cannot tell you how many hours I clocked in when Tree of Tranquility came out, but it was enough for people to actually be concerned when I wasn’t answering my phone or showing any signs I was still alive. (I’m a country girl at heart with the call of farm living in her blood.)
So, in a new and recent kickstarter, it’s interesting to see these two concepts–ie, Pokemon and Harvest Moon, actually come together in a unique PC RPG called Toby’s Island, created by Matt Beer who’s game you should fund because just look at his awesome name. Look. At. It.
If you watched the video above, then you know Matt covers in great detail that the premise of the game is that you raise and evolve monsters, farm, and basically transform an island forgotten by time into a bustling settlement. Heavily inspired by the RPGs of the 90′s, this looks to be a fun and exciting new adventure for those of us who have ever played Monster Hunter, Monster Rancher, Pokemon, Harvest Moon, or Rune Factory (of which I’ve never played, but heard it’s good).
The game seeks to raise 20k, but in Canadian money, which puts it at more or less 18k in American dollars.
What I neglected to mention was that despite it’s disturbing premise and dark tropes, I actually really enjoyed Kite, even in it’s uncensored and uncut forms. The storyline was gripping, it was unusual, and it pushed some boundaries, making people worldwide as uncomfortable as it could. And then, at the end of the movie, the directors and producers give you–SPOILER ALERT–an “open ending” which I cannot think of a bigger dick move to pull.
However, the movie was good enough where it could get away with an open-ending without enraging fans around the world.
Suffice to say, when I discovered that Kite had a sequel by the name of “Kite: Liberator”–also readily available on Netflix–I hit the ceiling. There had already been a lesser-known “sequel” of sorts, where the main character makes a brief cameo, but other than that, it’s not worth calling home about.
Very much like Kite: Liberator, and for one reason and one reason alone–too. many. goddamn. open. endings. You, as the viewer, aren’t just shafted once–you’re shafted about six or seven times emotionally and aesthetically through out the course of this movie.
But, nevermind the endings–let’s jump headfirst into this by looking at the description of Kite: Liberator:
“Ordinary high schooler Monaka is hiding a dark secret: She is the cold and mysterious assassin known to the cops as the Angel of Death. Her past is tied to a murderous detective, while her future is destined for a duel with the person she loves most.”
Already, you know this is a completely different storyline and will have nothing to do with the open-ending of the first Kite movie (or does it…?), but that’s okay because the plot already sounds interesting.
And it is, if you are perfectly all right with being thrown headfirst into a scene where a violent child-rapist pulls a little girl into a bathroom stall with the intent to rape her while being chased by two (obviously inept) cops.
Fortunately, the Angel of Death arrives just in time to blow his brains out and everyone cheers because fuck that filthy child-rapist. Remember, if you have sat through the first Kite, you already know this movie isn’t going to be subtle in any way, shape or form.
This is why we are given a heartwrenching Daddy-Daughter plot about a loving astronaut who goes back into space after the death of his wife so that he can give his daughter a better life. Said daughter is barely fifteen having to put on a bright (but “ditzy”) front, pretending to be working hard at a scuzzy Maid Cafe, but is secretly moonlighting as an assassin (because who knows, maybe she got bored?).
Then we learn that our dear, sweet Monaka has attracted the attention of a (clearly college aged (or older) detective) who wants to take (jailbaitjailbaitjailbait) Monaka on a date–while also unaware that his new (jailbait) girlfriend is also the Angel of Death he and his other cop buddies have been trying to catch.
And to make matters a little worse, all hell breaks loose on the space station where Monaka’s dad is and shit goes from bad to WHYGODWHY.
(PS: Did I mention that all of this happens on her birthday?)
Kite: Liberator rubbed me the wrong way in more ways than one and by the end, all I wanted to do was chuck my laptop off the roof. Not a single plotline question answered. Not even the main one.
Well…maybe they do answer one: Spoiler Alert–Sawa of the first Kite makes a major cameo.
It’s one thing to have one open ending–maybe two. But, having nine or ten doesn’t do anything but make everyone (or, is it maybe just me) pull out their hair (and again, if it’s just me, then I realize I’m being redundant in saying that). Nothing gets resolved.
I’ll let you be the judges readers: Go check out “Kite: Liberator” and tell me your opinions.
Ladies and Gentlemen, that honor is reserved for the anime, “Kite”–a cult classic that has received praise and venom worldwide for its themes and topics, including child molestation and rape, child assassins, gore, and a barrage of other genres guaranteed to either make you squirm or keep you interested long enough to feel disturbed.
(It’s also worth mentioning that in the re-releases, Kite lists Sawa as a college student–of which we all know that’s bullshit because if Sawa were actually a college student, Kite wouldn’t have been banned in Norway for depictions of “child pornography”.)
And now, the (censored) version of Kite is available on Netflix, along with its painfully disappointing sequel, Kite: Liberator, of which I won’t even link you to because I’ll be doing a full review of it for the JHS tomorrow (and also to spare you the disappointment).
The story of Kite revolves around teenage assassin, Sawa, who has been raised and trained to be a killer ever since she witnessed the deaths of her own parents as a child. One of the elements that sets Sawa aside as an assassin is the fact that she uses a special gun where the bullets explode once they have penetrated the victim’s body.
She is taken in and raised by the corrupt and pedophile detective, Akai, who has been raping and molesting Sawa from an early age. Now, Sawa wants out of that life and plans on using a fellow teenage assassin to help her escape it as well as her abusive guardian.
Kite became such a cult classic over the years that it even inspired famous band, No Doubt, drew heavy inspiration from multiple scenes from Kite in their music video for Ex-Girlfriend, and (because American producers just aren’t happy unless they’re bastardizing another country’s great works), there is a Live-Action Version of Kite in the works–with Samuel L. Jackson attached to the project as well (so, it might actually be worth seeing).
While the completely uncut and uncensored versions are available for purchase from Amazon (and even free around these here internets if you look hard enough), if you want to start off easy and not completely disturb yourself, you can find the Netflix-safe version here, and expect a full review of one of the immediate sequels, Kite: Liberator, here tomorrow!
When it comes to video games, we, as gamers, tend to get so wrapped up in the story/side-missions/pointless plot/boobs that we tend to miss the most simplest of messages that can really stay with us long after we power down our consoles for the day.
Here is a short list of some of the most inspirational video game quotes I have ever come across with valuable life lessons for those of us willing to hit the “Pause” button long enough to see it’s meaning:
“I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.”–Mewtwo
“And withouth strength you cannot protect anything. Let alone yourself.” –Virgil, Devil May Cry.
“A hero never loses. A hero never dies.” Preschooler Nobu, Pokemon Black 2 / White 2
”Although my heart may be weak, it’s not alone. It’s grown with each new experience, and it’s found a home with all the friends I’ve made. I’ve become apart of their heart just as they’ve become a part of mine. And if they think of me now and then…if they don’t forget me…then our hearts will be one. I don’t need a weapon. My friends are my power!”–Sora, Kingdom Hearts
“If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh.”–Magnus, Chrono Trigger
“Death is inevitable. Our fear of it makes us play safe, blocks out emotion. It’s a losing game. Without passion you are already dead.”–Max Payne
“Whenever there is a meeting, a parting is sure to follow. However, that parting need not last forever… Whether a parting be forever or merely for a short time… That is up to you.”–Mask Salesman, Majora’s Mask
“The flow of time is always cruel… its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it. A thing that does not change with time is a memory of younger days…” Sheik, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
“Shadow and Light are two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other.” Princess Zelda, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
“There’s no use crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying until you run out of cake.”–GlaDos, Portal
“Hope is what makes us strong. It is why we are here. It is what we fight with when all else is lost.”–Pandora, God Of War III
“Even if we are torn apart, our feelings will unite us.”–Yuna, Final Fantasy X-2
“We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.”–Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
“Well, there is one advantage to being me…Something you could never imitate. Having you for a friend.”–Riku, Kingdom Hearts 2
“Wishes can come true. But not if you just wait for miracles. Miracles are things we make for ourselves. Here, and now.”–Oerba Dia Vanille, Final Fantasy XIII
“I thought my life’d finally have meaning if i was ‘special’ to someone. But I really didn’t need it… It’s not what you have, or what you can do, Just being born, living your life… before you know it, you’re already special to someone.”–Yosuke, Persona 4
“Hey! Listen!”–Navi, Legend of Zelda
And sometimes, the greatest words and words that simply need not be spoken:
“…”–Red, Pokemon Soul Silver
What are some of your favorite inspirational video game quotes?
It’s Friday! That means that after work, plenty of you will be going out, drinking plenty of alcohol, and making plenty of horrible life decisions that you’ll one day be able to look back fondly upon.
Or, as people who clearly never finished first grade call it–*Goes to check Urban Dictionary*–”Getting turnt-up”. (Please stop ruining the English language.)
However, many others will be relaxing and cooling out with a nice drink and some of their favorite games. Or, they’ll be joined by their friends and game all night. Either way, people are going to be drinking, so why not spice your drink up with a little nerditry?
I have Sarah The Rebel of Nerdy But Flirty to thank for introducing me to a segment of Geek & Sundry called “Critical-Hit Cocktails” which is hosted by the talented bartender, Mitch Hutts. Mitch gives us a varerity of game-inspired drinks that are easy to make and sure to wet the whistle of any gamer, geek, or nerd.
Are you planning on spending the weekend with your friends and a marathon of The Walking Dead?
Impress your guests with the apltly named Walker’s Blood:
Planning on spending a little one-on-one time with your DS and training your Pokemon? Relax and kick back with a frosty little beverage called The Articuno:
For more great recipes like this and many others, go and check out Critical-Hit Cocktails on youtube and remember to always drink responsibly.
Have you watched Twitch Plays Pokemon yet? It’s fascinating. Bonkers. Wild. A dozen other words that indicate ‘I have never seen anything like this before and I’m utterly fascinated by what I’m looking at.’ It’s a strange whirlwind of order and chaos, a remixing of a game whose rules were designed long ago and now repurposed for something entirely new and exciting. It’s weird, it’s strange, and most importantly, it’s literally out of control. And because of that—and a few other reasons as well—it’s maybe one of the first important gaming events of 2014. Here’s why. Continue reading “Why You Should Pay Attention to Twitch Plays Pokemon” »
Everyone knows and loves Jeopardy!, and if you don’t, you’re are here by deemed a communist. Hakuna your tatas, my friends. I kid. (Sortakinda.) For many of us, Jeopardy! has been considered a staple in the nerd culture since Alex Trebek secretly discovered the fountain of youth and decided to share it with Vana White.
Once upon a time, when “being a nerd” meant “Being really, really smart and deemed uncool by ignoramuses”, if you watched Jeopardy! and you knew the answers, you’d scream them out first so your Nana couldn’t beat you to it. Really, Jeopardy! has always been considered a staple in American (and worldwide) television.
But man. Did it show that “American” part perfectly. In what has to be the most embarrassing display of White Privilege and sheer, inexcusable stupidity (and unforgivable ignorance), Jeopardy! has shown us that if you don’t know Black History, that’s okay!
If you have seen the interwebs in the past day or so, then you saw this image:
And below it, was this image:
(Especially Derpina on the end.)
Now, you could immediately assume this was fake (Like I hoped to God it was, but I know it wasn’t). Seriously, this has 4Chan and Reddit written all over it. It screams–no, bellows–”Hahahahaha, look at those silly white kids! They avoided the Black History questions and now they have to answer them and they don’t have a clue! Silly white people! I mean, it’s only Black History Month!”
And then came the actual video proof that disgusted me more than words could say. Yeah. This actually happened.
That happened. And you know what? I was not surprised. Not in the least. In fact, when a friend posted the full link on Facebook, I laughed. Did you see the way they sighed? And one of the comments left on the link by a woman named Marcelle Bonaparte basically summoned perfectly how I’d like to imagine (but not assume) most black people felt–including myself:
“Yeah, when I saw this the other day, I laughed my ass off. The sigh they made before answering was funny. The relief they had when they realized they knew most of the answers, was funny. The sadness I felt when all of those questions weren’t even that hard was just overwhelming. The frustration I felt reminded that your history (American history aka White History) isn’t my history (Black History), so it’s not as important of a focus on Jeopardy! at all.”
There it is. How I, and many black people, feel perfectly and so eloquently worded. Because really, I didn’t even know how to properly explain h0w this even made me feel; it not only leaves you with a heavy heart, but it’s so painful because it’s just so. damn. true.
That’s how many Americans (and people worldwide view Black History)–
“Hell, it’s your history, black person. Not mine. I don’t need to know it. Ergo, it’s not important.”–Many, many “Americans”.
I mean, ITS NOT LIKE YOU OWE IT TO THE CONTRIBUTIONS OF A BLACK PERSON AS TO WHY THE WORLD OF VIDEO GAMES WAS PERPETUALLY CHANGED FOR THE BETTER BECAUSE HE REVOLUTIONIZED FOR THE FUTURE THE VERY CONSOLE YOU PLAY YOUR VIDEO GAMES ON EITHER.
And then, you have to actually look at what Jezebel.com writer, Lindy West, said on this which adds to the humor, but again, it’s a joke that hits your heart and you don’t even feel it until the metaphorical knife starts twisting in the wound:
In the second round of play, the contestants sailed through five of the categories—including “International Cinema Showcase,” “Weather Verbs,” and “Kiwi Fauna”—but avoided the sixth like the, ahem, black plague. That category was “African-American History.”
In other words, these kids were more confident in their knowledge of weird animals in New Zealand than black human beings in America.
But the biggest slap in the face hadn’t even hit me yet. No. That happened when Alex Trebek himself basically excused white people (and all people) across America (or at least gave them a new one) for why they don’t know Black History in just one, shattering phrase that he tried to play off as a “joke”:
“Oh, that’s way before your time!”
Yup. Basically, if you’re white, you don’t need to learn about Black History because it was before your time.
Coincidentally, so was the fucking civil war, the holocaust, the sinking of the Titanic, the signing of the Declaration of Independence,Pearl Harbor, George Washington being an “honest” man with fake teeth, colonizing America…And yet I still fucking know it. Why do I know it? Because, like 99% of the schools in America, it was shoved down my throat like grape flavored Robitussin because it’s American history. (And yay! A single month dedicated to learning about my own history! Thanks, American Schooling System!)
As I got older, I realized history in general, whether or not it is American, French, English, German, Japanese, is important as it is fascinating, and just because I’m black doesn’t mean that I should just know only black and American history and call it a day, because, hey! I’m not Japanese. I don’t need to know who Oda Nobunaga is (but I do). I’m not German, so why should Iknow or care that Auschwitz was one of the worst human horrors in the the history of the world? (Huh. I know that too.) And I’m certainly not Russian, so why should I care or know about the Russian Revolution, or how Nicholas II got his famous monkier, “Bloody Nicholas”. (Weird. I know that one too!)
So, yeah, all of that stuff happened waaaaay before my time too, including many of the events in American history, but guess what?
I still fucking know it. Sorry, white people. Your argument (Read: “Excuse”) is invalid. And no, not even a “pardon” from the great Alex Trebek can excuse the gargantuan display of embarrassing ignorance like what we saw that night on All-American Television.
Wait…Ah, forget it. I’m just gonna sit here and enjoy the irony.
Friday was Valentine’s Day. Facebook and Twitter feeds exploded with engagement announcement and subsequent pregnancy announcements. (Mozel Tov *Throws rice*)
Some of us spent our Friday night in with our best friends: Netflix, and Ben and Jerry’s. Some of us were having wham-bam monkey sex to R. Kelly and felt really dirty about it later (As you should, you dirty person of whom we are all judging right now).
And then some of us were wondering if you were wondering who your dream date of the JHS would be. So, I made a short quiz to help YOU figure that out. Which member of the JHS would be your dream date? Continue reading ““Love Connection”: Jace Hall Show Edition” »
Sadly, like most things, it is us, the public, that helps create and maintain what we often dislike. The same is true with video game news sites. You constantly hear people complain about not finding unique gaming websites or sites with honest reviews and helpful information, well they are out there, but most of us will not take the time to search for them or truly support them.
I first learned about this during my Everquest days. Originally, if you wanted to talk about the game you only had the message boards, but as time went on and people would fight and complain, there was more and more moderation. People wanted a place to talk and so, some people created their own message boards and some went to the boards hosted by IGN. Continue reading “We are What is Wrong with Gaming Journalism” »
The idea of bragging about the video games you played as if you were talking about you battle deployments have always seemed a bit silly to me, unless you are, Jace Hall, then that’s totally legit. When it comes to MMO’s, I have heard a lot of people talking about how hardcore they are because they played Everquest and that unless you played that specific game you suck. This is mostly directed at World of Warcraft players, but I have seen, heard and read it directed at other newer MMO’s as well. Continue reading “You’re Not Hardcore for Playing Everquest” »
Let’s imagine that you’re a woman—(that was directed at the gents reading this article, because believe me, you do not want to be a man in this scenario for good reason). You’re attractive, work a well-paying job, and are generally well-received by everyone. Your life is average, but you’re happy with the monotony. As you take your lunch break, you cross the street and WHAM! You’re ran over and violently mutilated by a truck. You experience the moment of your death. What goes through your mind?
“N-no…this can’t be happening. My friends; my family…I’m not ready to say goodbye…there’s still so much I wanted to do in the world…”
Everything fades to black.
And you wake up the next morning, in your own bed, as if it never happened—all your limbs intact. You’re horrified, but write it off as some freaky dream caused by bad Chinese food. You go about your day and remember that you forgot to pick up your prescription at Walgreens. You’re standing in line when a madman with a gun and a grudge starts to shoot up the place—and you’re right in his line of fire. Three bullets tear through your body—one through your heart, one through your stomach, and the last one right between your eyes. You die right then and there.
…And when you wake up the next morning in your own bed, you’re completely and totally fine. Two nights ago, it may have seemed like a bad dream, but twice in a row is absolutely suspect and now you’re starting to question your own sanity. You get dressed, being extremely cautious of the world around you and decide to wait for the train. A kind, young woman approaches you and gives you a smile that you return. She then leans in—uncomfortably close—and whispers:
“Third time’s all the proof you’re going to need, right?”
Before you can decipher the meaning of her cryptic words, she shoves you right off the platform and you’re killed by the incoming train.
And again, you wake up the next morning in your own bed, limbs intact as though it never happened. This time, the young woman is with you and explains that you’re immortal.
You can’t ever die. You can be killed in all sorts of horrible and brutal ways; but you’ll regenerate, you’re ageless (Let’s say you stop aging around your mid-twenties) and you live forever.
You. Live. Forever. And it’s not as great as it sounds.
This is the plot of RIN ~Daughters of Mnemosyne: a sci-fi, paranormal-action anime with a lot of gore and no shortage of sex and twisted, disturbing images that is not recommended for anyone under the age of twenty-five due to the graphic psychological and physical torture of certain characters.
Daughters of Mnemosyne is available on Netflix (It’s how I discovered it). It’s a six-episode series, telling the story of Rin Asougi, an immortal, private investigator and her partner, the equally immortal and moe-faced, Mimi who became immortal somewhere in between her mid to late teens.
They receive their immortality from the great tree known as Yggdrasil—which you may recognize if you have an interest in old, religious themes and tropes.
This tree appears occasionally in the world of humans—and when it does, it releases (albeit rarely) small, tiny orbs called Time Fruit.
They can pass through any and all matter, and float through the air looking like little bubbles for the majority of the anime. If a particular Time Fruit enters the body of a woman, they become immortal. As explained by Rin—and by the scenarios above—this remains unknown to the woman until she either:
A) Realizes she’s literally not getting any older and everyone around her (friends and family, are getting older and dying left and right).
B) She is horribly maimed or dies countless times—and simply revives within hours (or, even over the span of twenty-five years depending how substantial the damage to her body is.
What’s interesting is the clever dynamic in which each episode set up: Each episode begins with the same characters, scenario and dialogue (Rin is sitting in her office chair at the detective agency, she appears to have a hangover (death hangover), and says, “Mimi, some water…” and Mimi will come in with vodka, telling her, “Vodka means water in Russian”), but the year is always different as we experience the days of immortality through the eyes of Rin and Mimi as the two struggle to keep their secret hidden as the world around them continues to change. That’s what will throw you off after episode one—you don’t know to look for the time change and you think you’re rewatching the same episode over again when you’re not.
Episode one takes place in 1990, episode two is set in 1991, episode three takes place in 2011, episodes four takes place in 2025, and then we see a major time jump of thirty years, which sets the stage for episodes five and six, which all take place in the year 2055.
Without giving away too much of the plotline, this anime, though short it may be, makes you rethink and reevaulate everything you thought you knew about the concept of forced immortality. How do you live forever—and live with the memories of those who you have lost? The love of your life you’ll always outlive? Lying to someone who knew you eighty years ago, and saying, “Oh, no, I’m not (insert name), I’m her grandchild” because there would be no way of naturally explaining why you haven’t aged in eighty years. Even if you wanted to end your own life, you couldn’t.
Then—you have to think about the physical pain. Rin dies a multitude of gory, violent deaths; just because she’s immortal doesn’t mean she can’t feel that pain. She feels the pain of falling off a building. She feels the pain of bleeding from every orifice at the hands of a sadist. She feels the pain of being sucked into a jet engine and her body so badly mutilated that it takes nearly thirty years to revive her.
I highly recommend this anime—and I leave you with one question:
“Would you, if you could, still choose to live forever?”
You can find Rin: Daughters of Mnemosyne on Netflix…
“But what about the men?!!!” You suddenly blurt out. “Don’t they become immortal too if they eat one of those Time Fruit thingies?”
Sure—if by “immortal”, you mean, “Turns into a hideous, sex-crazed demonic beast (Ironically, called Angels), with six wings and rapes everything in sight before eating their victim alive, while having sex with them” then yes.
However, you’re perfectly killable—and unlike Immortals, you can’t come back once you’re dead. Oh, and you’re the enemy of immortal women everywhere because, regardless of their wills (and believe me, they do not want to), they are painfully, physically and sexually attracted to you. No—this is not a good thing.
For clarification, please see: “…Rapes everything in sight before eating their victim alive while having sex with them”.
This anime is far from subtle and I cannot stress viewer discretion be advised.
Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually pretty hard to offend me. I have my “bitch switches” as their often called–basically certain triggers that people have to actively go looking for when it comes to trying to offend me.
As someone who has watched anime and played video games most, if not all, of her entire life, I’m perfectly used to seeing negative depictions of black people in anime and manga. And there’s a point where, “Well, it’s just a cultural thing” starts to wear a leeeetle thin. Namely because, “Oh LOOK: GOOGLE.” I personally have yet to find a black character in anime or manga that doesn’t make me laugh because 9/10, the character was simply built on stereotypes.
I’ll admit animators and developers have come a long way from this:
And while it’s some seriously commendable progress, whenever a friend shoots me a link saying, “DUDE. LOOK AT THIS SHIT”, I already roll my eyes because I know whatever said link contains is bound to either amuse me or disgust me.
In this case, it was actually a bit of both.
Let’s talk stereotypes for one second: QUICK! What’s the first stereotype that comes to your mind when you think about black men? Well, if you answered, “They have huge dicks!”, I’lll take that given the many options you could have said. Now, I speak from experience when I say, that like many stereotypes of black people, that doesn’t always ring true. No disrespect to my “brothas”, but come the hell on. If racial stereotypes are to be based upon dick size, then might I say that in my experience, there are a few well-hung Asian gents who blow that stereotype clean outta the water.
Then again, I suppose anyone’s contented to believe these stereotypes–particularly in Japan when doujin is concerned. Doujin, short for Doujinshi, are basically fan-drawn comics or original comics depending on who you’re talking to. And the comic I’m referring to was sent to me via a friend from another video game news show. I rolled my eyes as soon as I saw the cover and name of this comic:
Black Dick Mega Cock (NO I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. AND NSFW or soul).
Oh, and look at what he says in the very first panel:
I barely got two pages in before I just started shaking my head.–and laughing because this is actually pretty funny. If you’re feeling daring, the full doujin is here. To give you a quick synopsis, the comic is about a ganguro gal (Basically a Japanese girl who tans her skin, wears accessories, and bleaches her hair to say, “FUCK YOU, SOCIETY”) who decides to quench her curiosity. She even says she’s okay having sex with a foreigner.
That rubs me the wrong way for a few reasons, namely: Black people have largely been portrayed (in media) as something to be experimented with–but never someone to take home to Mother and Father. And speaking from experience, yeah, it can hurt being fetishized in that way. This comic was so outrageously funny that I sent it over to a black guy friend stationed over in Tokyo at this very moment.
And the sad part is, when chatted on Skype later, he just shook his head and said, quote:
“Yeah–it’s like that a lot over here. Imagine trying to hook up with a girl who is scared shitless because she thinks you’ll kill her with your dick.”
And that’s certainly the case in this comic. The girl goes from being sexy and enticing to freaking the hell out once they get to the bedroom and the pants fall down.
Now, on one account, the website this comic is on is a hentai website, so dicks aplenty and all that jazz. People use it to get off.
And then I got to the last page:
Oh, look! A black guy abandoning (well, not really by choice, but still) his “baby mama” and kid! Gee, we certainly don’t see enough of that here in America as it is, now do we? The comic is definitely laughable, of that there is no doubt. However, it does diddly squat to help stereotypes of black people over there; when all they have to go off of is this:
(Can we please talk about the Thug Spongebob on his shirt, because that is seriously my favorite part of the entire article.)
Dear Japan (and everywhere), Game Developers, Manga-ka, and everything in between:
Please, please, please, please: Either make some actual black friends if nothing else for the sake of properly drawing black people, or at least stop getting your references regarding the general black population from BET.
There is a outspoken gamer out of Nevada that, because of his views on his many controversial Youtube videos and sometimes abrasive personality, people either love or hate. His name is Rudy Ferretti and like him or not, people pay attention.
Rudy set out to achieve something that no one else ever has; to achieve the highest score possible in the game, surpassing 9,999,120. This is no small feat considering points are hard to come by. Enemies which you’d expect to give players large amounts of points, such as Jaws himself, only yield 20 points for every hit. Star fish yield up to 2,000 points and the big points only come if you can hit every jelly fish during a bonus scene.
We recently had a chance to sit down with the gaming world champion to ask him why he chose Jaws, and what he has in store next for the gaming world. Continue reading “Inside The Head of Record-Breaking Gamer Rudy Ferretti” »
(Disclaimer: This article is in no way conductive to medical, psychological or physiological research and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Like at all. It’s a farce. It really doesn’t benefit mankind in any way. The (controlled) “study” took place in a loft apartment in downtown Los Angeles—not a swanky lab if that tells you anything. The sixth woman involved in the study served as a proctor, recording and collecting accurate “data”—and wasn’t permitted to engage in any drug use, so suffice to say she wasn’t particularly happy with her role in this asinine experiment, but was a great sport nonetheless. Each woman involved in this study has their valid Medical Marijuana Card, issued by the state of California for the legal purchase—and consumption—of medical marijuana. PS: The Jace Hall Show does not condone the use of drugs, but we don’t judge you for it either.) Continue reading “Study: This Is Your Game On Drugs” »
The last few years have been a semi-tumultuous one for my living situations. I’ve moved 3 times, been forced to abandon my gaming PC to a storage unit and acquired loads of new gaming devices, and all the while, some of my favorite games have released these brilliant sequels that benefit from having save data from your prior games. It’s a cool feature, one that I think is good for both game developers and gamers, and I hope to see more developers use it in the future. Continue reading “Why Don’t Game Designers Make Character Data Easier To Save?” »
If you’ve ever watched anime or played video games such as Persona, Fire Emblem, Metal Gear Solid 4, or most of the Final Fantasy series (just to name a few) then you are certainly familiar with the following two terms:
1) Moe (Said like “Moh-eh” or “Moh-ay” and unlike “Moe” like from The Simpsons)
2) Lolita (Not to be confused with the Japanese fashion craze known as Lolita.) The term (and definition) in question was derived from the infamous 1955 novel by Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita—which was about a grown man having an unnatural, sexual obsession with a twelve year old girl. So you already know the direction in which this article is going.) Continue reading “An Insider Explains Japan’s “obsession” with the Moe and Lolicon Genres (NSFW)” »